He had it comin!
by Wuggamz
Summary: Six assignments? Our two beloved rookie investigators sure have their work cut out for them. Inspired by "The Cell Block Tango" from Chicago.
1. Intro

**_Greetings to you, my darlings~_**

**_Wuggamz returns with another Switch fic! And with chapters! -Le Gasp!-_**

**_This one's inspired by one of my favorite songs, "The Cell Block Tango" from Chicago. _**

**_And just so you know, I will have a required amount of reviews before the next chapter gets released. And there will be "prizes" for the first five reviewers~ This all doesn't apply to this chapter of course, it's only the into, after all. x3_**

**_This one is Un-Beta'd, so it may suck more than usual. And it will probably be edited._**

**_Switch belongs to the Naked Ape girls. They are my heroes._**

~*~*~

_He had it coming__  
__He had it coming__  
__He only had himself to blame…_

~*~*~*~

The NCD duo certainly had their work cut out for them. Hiki had handed them six dossiers. Six different assignments. Six different dealers to catch.

"You have _got_ to be freakin' kidding me." Hal said, looking at the six folders in disbelief. Even Kai, who was always more than willing to do anything the Division's chief asked, looked a little less than estatic upon seeing the dossiers.

"Oh, come on. It's not that bad. They're all small time dealers." Hiki smiled, his chin resting on the backs of his hands. He was the picture of serenity.

His blonde underling, was quite the opposite.

"If they're all small time dealers, why don't you have that scruffy bastard take care of them!?!" Hal grabbed the light haired, bespectacled man by the collar.

"The Meguro police station is swamped, we're just helping them by taking some of the workload." Hiki raised his hands in a mock gesture of surrender. "I'll be paying you overtime, of course."

This seemed to calm Hal down, if only a little bit.

"I want you and Kai to read the one on the top of the pile first. We'll be going through them in order, so take care not to get them mixed up!"

"Yes sir!" The brunette investigator saluted his superior. Hiki gave a bemused chuckle. With Kaji and Hal's explosive tempers and sour attitudes, Kai's enthusiasm was quite refreshing.

Hal merely grunted and walked out the door with the folders, once again leaving his partner to run after him all the while yelling "WAIT FOR ME!"

~*~*~*~

…_If you'd have been there__  
__If you'd have seen it__  
__I betcha you would have done the same!_

~*~*~*~

**_Rate and Review, or Wuggamz will self-destruct! :O_**


	2. Pop!

**_And the first chappie is up, my little kittens!_**

**_Two updates in one day! I'm on a rooo~oolll *dancey dancey*_**

**_Anyways, I'm posting the next chapter only when I get 8 more reviews. First five each get a prize from moi~_**

**_That should motivate you :3_**

**_Once again. This chapter is in it's un-beta'd, fail-erific form._**

**_Switch is not mine. And it never will be._**

~*~*~*~

_You know how people have these little habits that get you down?_

_Like Bernie._

_Bernie liked to chew gum._

_No, not chew. _

_POP! _

_So I came home this one day, an' I am really irritated and looking for a little sympathy_

_And there's Bernie layin' on the couch, drinkin' a beer and chewin'. _

_No, not chewin'._

_POPPIN'!_

_So, I said to him,_

_I said, "You pop that gum one more time..."_

_And he did._

_So I took the shotgun off the wall and I fired two warning shots... _

_...into his head._

~*~*~*~

"Bernie Evans. Age 27. Moved here from America last year. He and his girlfriend, Liz McLellan, deal weed and crystal meth. They like to hang around in 'Red Circle', a nightclub." Hal rattled off facts while Kai listened intently. A somewhat blurry photo of a couple sat on the desk: A dark haired man in his late 20's held a woman with mousy hair that went halfway down her back in his arms. They were both laughing about something.

"Hm, well isn't that interesting? It says here they'll only sell if approached by a straight couple."

Hal eyed Kai the way a lion would it's prey. The brunette gulped.

"So…up for a game of dress-up, Good-for-nothing?"

"Nu-uh! I don't wanna crossdress!"

"Oh, so you suggest we take that stupid chick along with us again?" Hal felt a vein pop at the thought of the female analyst. "Because last time we did, that mission went real smoothly, didn't it!?"

"B-but…"

"No 'but's. Here," The older man tossed his partner a bundle of clothing.

"Hiki left those for you. Now hurry up and change."

Kai retreated to the men's bathroom, moping the entire way.

~*~*~*~

The club was packed. People, most of them intoxicated or high, flooded the place. Bodies crowded you from all sides, all of them moving in time with the blaring music. Blacklights gave the dance floor an unearthly glow.

Hal and Kai were sitting in one of the lounge areas. Thanfully, it had normal lighting, even if it was a tad dim.

Hal wore a white t-shirt under an open leather jacket and jeans. Kai was in a satin green cocktail dress that stopped mid-thigh. Layers of tulle made the skirt flare out a little and a black ribbon was wrapped around his middle that was tied in a cute little bow on his back. A shoulder length wig which was similar to Kai's actual hair color sat atop his head and green stilletto heels encased his feet.

The blonde had his arm around the younger man's shoulders and Kai was resting his head on his partner's shoulder.

"This feels kinda weird…" Kai whispered.

"Quit complaining and look for the perps, damn it." Hal hissed at him. "Good for nothing…"

Kai shut up and looked around the club. This was going to be hard. There were so many people!

_I guess I'm just going to have to try harder!_, the rookie investigator thought to himself. He focused on the crowd infront of him, scanning to see if he could see the dealers.

He was snapped out of his searching when Hal suddenly pulled him onto his lap.

"Ha-!" Kai squeaked, but was silenced when his partner put a finger to his lips.

"Don't use my real name." He whispered into Kai's ear. The brunette shivered a little when he felt Hal's breath on his neck. "And we're supposed to be a couple, aren't we? Just play along."

Kai gasped as Hal wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him right up against him.

"And don't stare. It makes you look suspicious." Kai nodded, trying once again to look for the couple, this time making sure not arouse suspicion. It was fairly difficult to think when Hal had him in his arms…

…Oh God, he was stroking his hair now.

Kai knew Hal was just trying to play his part, but was all this really necessary? He swore he saw an amused smirk on the blonde's face when he noticed how flustered his fellow investigator was.

A dark haired man in a black tee and cargo pants sat a few feet away from them, along with a mousy girl in a tube top and denim mini skirt.

"Hal! I found them!" Kai whispered excitedly.

"Hm? Where?" The brunette nodded towards the couple sitting a short distance away from them.

"Time to make our move." Hal stood up and took his partner by the hand. "C'mon, sweetheart."

Kai's face turned a bright shade of red.

As the NCD agents made their way towards the couple, they could hear their conversation.

"Hey, doll. I really wish you would stop popping that gum."

*Pop* "Aw, Liz. Don't start that up again."

"It's really gettin' on my nerves. Just spit it out. I've got a nice fat joint."

*Pop* "Babe, you know we can't do that out in the open."

"Bernie…"

*Pop* "What?"

"I said quit it."

*Pop* "You can't tell me what to do. Ya know, if it weren't for me you'd be on the streets."

"Dammit, Bernie!"

*Pop*

"Bernie Evans, if you pop that gum one more time…"

*Pop*

Liz suddenly stood right up, pulling a handgun out of her purse. Before Bernie could react, she fired two shots into his head and ran.

"I'll go after her! You search him for evidence!" Hal shouted as he pulled out his own gun. Kai slipped on a pair of latex gloves and began to go through the man's pockets.

The clubbers were all in a frenzy. Cries of "Cops!" and "Matori!" could be heard as people ran for the exits.

"You! Halt!" Hal barked at the female dealer. She shot a glance over her shoulder and ran faster. The NCD investigator cursed under his breath, for a girl who was most likely high and running on four inch heels, she was fast.

Kai pulled out a few plastic bags of weed. Satisfied with his findings, he pulled out his transmitter and radioed the station.

Liz stumbled to the ground. She tried to scramble to her feet, but Hal pinned her down.

"You are under arrest for murder and violation of the Stimulant Control Act." He stated as he cuffed her.

"Yeah, yeah…" She spat. "Just go ahead and drag me off to jail, dickwad. The joints are in my purse."

~*~*~*~

Kai sat slumped on the couch, now wigless and high heel-less but still in his dress. Hal sat across from him, lighting a cigarette.

"I never wanna crossdress, again. Never ever." He moaned.

Hal smirked.

~*~*~*~

_He had it comin'_

_He had it comin'_

_He only had himself to blame_

_If you'd have been there_

_If you'd have heard it_

_I betcha' you would have done the same!_


	3. Six!

**_Thank you so much for your wonderful reviews! I knew you guys could do it! I do take the time to read each and every one of them and I do consider your suggestions, so don't be afraid to tell me what you think~_**

**_As promised, here are your prizes. Everyone gets one, because I feel generous~:_**

**_CrimsonWitchfire- Kai's dress from last chapter_**

**_Libbynotaslavetofashio-Hal's glasses_**

**_shadowtailmon- The gift of Marivision_**

**_Incurable Spazz- A lollipop from Narita_**

**_bebegiraffe- Hal's gun_**

**_animedork95-Kai's fingerless glove_**

**_sumichou-chan- Kai's badge_**

**_Let's try to get it up to 16 next, kay?_**

_~*~*~*~_

_I met Ezekiel Young from __Salt Lake city about two years ago_

_And he told me he was single_

_And we hit it off right away._

_So, we started living together._

_He'd go to work, he'd come home, I'd __fix him a drink, we'd have dinner._

_And then I found out…._

_"Single" he told me…_

_Single, my ass!_

_Not only was he married_

_...Oh, no_

_He had six wives._

_One of those Mormons, you know?_

_So that__night, when he came home, I fixed him __his drink, as usual._

_You know, some guys just can't hold __their arsenic._

~*~*~*~

Something was wrong.

Hal, Kai, and Kaji went to the second perp's house to bust him, but when the kicked down the door and charged in they were met with silence. No shouting, pleading, or obscenities. Just silence.

"Maybe no one's home…" Kai suggested.

"Well, let's search the house first. Then we wait to arrest him." Kaji commanded. The two rookie investigators nodded and split up.

After a few hours, Hal and Kai met up again. The whole house was swept clean. Not a trace of the drugs anywhere to be seen.

"Hey…I think we found our perp…" Kaji called out from the kitchen.

When they walked in, they found a grisly sight indeed.

They found a man, lying face down a puddle of bile and blood, his own presumably.

Kaji turned the man over and, surely enough, it was their guy.

Ezekiel Young, a traveling salesman also known for selling blotter LSD. Dead with his merchandaise gone without a trace.

~*~*~*~

"Autopsy results show that the cause of death was arsenic poisoning." Mari read tonelessly, flipping through the documents faxed to them by the Meguro Police. "It was probably mixed in a drink, his BAC was .03." Hal and Kaji were sitting on the couch, frowning. At this point, the case should have been handed over to the Meguro police station, since the NCD didn't handle murder cases, but the killer had stolen the LSD and was probably out there dealing it themselves.

Kai suddenly burst into the room, a manila folder stuffed with papers tucked under his arm.

"Kai! You're back!" Mari squeaked, delighted to see that her love interest had returned from the Intelligence Department, safe and sound.

"Hn. So did you get any useful information?" Hal asked after taking a drag from his cigarette, The brunette nodded, rifling through the papers.

"Mr. Young had married six women over the years and dated many more. His most current affair was with a French dancer, Annie Roux. She is currently employed at the 'Silhouette' strip bar. She's been charged with assault and battery twice before, but was found not guilty due to insufficient evidence in both cases." Kai showed them the photo of Annie. She was in her late twenties. She was thin and her skin was rather pale, making her appear almost sickly, but her brilliant green eyes shone with life. Chin length, ginger colored hair framed her face. She was wearing bold and bright make up, her lively face was in stark contrast to the rest of her.

"Sounds like we found our new perp." The blonde man commented, exhaling smoke as he spoke. Kaji was still a little skeptical.

"She's not necessarily the killer. It could be any of the other girls he suckered into dating him."

"Hey! Good-for-nothing!" Kai's head snapped up upon hearing his "nickname", "Gimme those files."

The brunette handed over the folder.

"Well," Hal skimmed over the documents "It says here that 'Silhouette' is only a few blocks away from the house Young was renting, and neighbors reported having seen him walk home with a scantily clad younger woman, a red head. Some even said they were living together. That means she knew where he lived and had a way of getting in without arousing suspicion. She's the only woman he was in a relationship with that had that advantage."

Kaji sighed.

"Well, we don't have enough substantial evidence to make an arrest."

"We can fix that." Hal responded with a cocky grin. "That's our job as investigators, is it not?"

"We'll make a trip to the Silhouette tonight, then." Kai pumped his fist in the air, another undercover mission! Mari gushed over how cute the youngest investigator's enthusiasm and determination was and proceeded to hug the poor man. Hal's eye began to twitch violently as he watched the analyst smother his partner.

Kaji was long gone, on his way to Hiki's office to authorize the mission. He knew better than to be in the same room when Hal and Mari were fighting.

~*~*~*~

Strobe lights flashed and men whooped and cheered as the dancers removed what little articles of clothing they had on while seductively wiggling their private bits for all to see. Money was tossed at them for their efforts.

Hal watched intently, but for a vastly different reason than all the other spectators. They were there to satisfy their disgusting needs, he was here to catch a potential murderer and LSD dealer.

He did everything in his power to keep from vomiting from sheer disgust. This type of entertainment did not appeal to him in the slightest. Nevertheless, he was the one stuck with the unfortunate job of going into the bar since Kai's innocent mind would probably be overwhelmed by it all and Kaji…well, he just flat out refused. And Hal wasn't about to provoke the wrath of the much bigger, and most likely stronger man. Especially not when Hiki wasn't there to restrain him.

The flashing lights made it nearly impossible to identify faces clearly, so he gave up and began listening in on conversations in hopes of hearing something instead.

"Whoo! She's a hot one!"

"Hey! Over here!"

"I'd tap that."

"C'mere. She's in the back."

"Are you sure?"

Hal almost did a double take. _"She's in the back." _

There were two younger men a few seats away from him, they looked shaky and high strung. The Matori cop watched them out of the corner of his eye.

"Hell yes, I'm sure. Now, let's hurry."

"Yeah, I need another hit or I'm gonna go nuts…"

It was a very vague lead, and there was a good chance it wasn't Roux, but on the off chance it was her, Hal didn't want to be the idiot to pass it up.

He followed behind them, looking as casual and inconspicuous as can be. Although, the two men were so caught up in their hunt for drugs that a neon sign that read "I'm following you" in big, bold letters could have been hanging above Hal's head and they still wouldn't have noticed.

The NCD investigator was led into the back, where the storage rooms and lavatories were. The two men disappeared behind one of the doors. After a few minutes, they came out, looking quite content, stumbling a little as they walked.

Hal walked towards the door and opened it. The inside was lit only by a bare hanging bulb that flickered every now and then. A red headed woman, sitting cross legged on a crate of beer.

"Ah, a new customer." She drawled, attempting to hide her French accent. It was Annie, alright. "It's nice to see some fresh faces around here."

She stood up and made her way over to Hal, her hips sashaying with each step.

"You're a cute one, aren't you?" Annie whispered huskily into his ear, one hand tilting his face towards her while the other was rested on his chest. She wore grin that could rival the Cheshire cat's. "Maybe after you're good and high we can have some fun, huh?"

Hal fought the urge to retch and flashed a sly smile of his own, reaching for his handcuffs in his back pocket.

"That's a tempting offer…how much do you charge?"

"200 yen a packet." The blonde investigator handed the French woman the money and slipped the plastic bag of little paper strips he received in exchange into his pocket.

He quickly turned her around and attached one of the cuffs to her wrist.

"You're under arrest for-!" Hal was elbowed in the stomach. Having been caught off guard, he loosened his grip just enough for the redhead to escape to the main area.

The Matori agent clutched his stomach, he should've seen that coming. She didn't get charged with assault and battery for nothing, after all. He whipped out his transmitter and called Kai and Kaji, who were waiting outside.

"She's heading for the entrance!"

The chief and rookie investigator positioned themselves at the front doors, guns loaded and ready.

When Annie Roux exited 'Silhouette', she was faced with the barrels of Kai's and Kaji's guns. She raised her arms in surrender, she had nowhere to run anymore.

"You are under arrest for violation of the Stimulant Control Act and the murder of Ezekiel Young." Kai said as firmly as he could, attaching the remaining cuff to her other wrist.

"He got what was comin' to him." She hissed as she was dragged away into the back of their car.

~*~*~*~

_He had it comin'_

_He had it comin'_

_He took a flower in it's prime_

_And then he used it_

_And he abused it_

_It was a murder, but not a crime!_

~*~*~*~

**_I need to read more crime dramas and murder mysteries cause' these are coming out more "funny and cute" than "exciting and suspenseful" ;~; *dies*_**

**_And, I almost upchucked while writing the strip bar scene. :x Ew._**

**_Rate and Review if you want the next chapter~ ;3_**


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